hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
