maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
