K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
