ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Randomize
