Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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