so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
