Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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