she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
