Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
