gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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