I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
