I'm laying in your front yard are you home
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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