3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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