the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
