so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
