Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
