i think my tv is drunk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just forgot I was standing up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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