I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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