I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
