Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
