Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
