i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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