you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
