mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
