bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
