i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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