youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
