I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
