I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
