I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
