We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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