I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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