I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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