as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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