I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
