We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
be right there i have to get my cape
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
