She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
