How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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