I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
