FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
