Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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