Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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