wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
