that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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