just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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