they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Randomize
