He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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