i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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