It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
