Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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