I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
