And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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