im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
