careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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