Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she smelled like a LAN party
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
