Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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