So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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