Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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