remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
