Got a toothbrush?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
