6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
