I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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