Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
