ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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