So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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