Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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