there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
