You can't special order awesome
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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