mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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