when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
