He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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