Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
