I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
