Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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