It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
