I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
