New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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