I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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