...so i touched it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
