so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
