A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
