why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
