Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
