dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ok first of all what the fuck
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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