I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
