Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
