I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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