There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
