do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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